Doc never met an exercise device he didn’t like. A marketer’s dream! For me, it’s great being able to test everything that comes out without buying it. But the one he brought in last Tuesday was ridiculous, even for him.
We met as usual at the gym. He was carrying his gym bag, and told me that he had some new equipment to show me. Great, I said. We got changed, and he came out with this thing in his hand that looked kind of like a wimpy designer dumbbell.
Oh no, I thought, not that.
“Dave, check it out, it’s the Shakeweight!” He held it up, smiling.
“I know, I know, keep your voice down,” I replied while looking around to see if anyone I knew was there.
“What? Are you gonna give me a hard time again about buying stuff? This looked pretty cool. The ad had a guy in a white lab coat who said that it uses ‘dramatic suspension’, or ‘traumatic extinction’, or, well, something that sounded real legit.”
I put my head in my hands for a few seconds. At times like these, it’s not difficult to see that Delts isn’t a real doctor. “Tell you what,” I said, “give it a good road test and let me know how you make out.” I furtively moved way over to the other side of the gym to begin my workout.
Delts took a look at the device, thought about it briefly, and began shaking it back and forth in front of his face. Always popular with the ladies, he attracted some curious attention from onlookers. Emboldened as he always is when performing, he shook it with even more gusto. He really was exerting himself after a minute or two, and his face began to turn red. By this time, he had attracted a small crowd of ladies, who were wide-eyed and starting to snicker. I had to admit that he was burning a calorie or two.
He finally stopped, and almost seemed ready to take a bow. One of the women couldn’t hold back, and began to laugh out loud. Soon, all of them were in hysterics. Delts, almost immune to embarrassment, just tilted his head, closed his eyes, and grinned, enjoying the attention of his impromptu harem. From the other side of the room, I began to clap very slowly.
“Dave, why don’t you jump in for a set?” he asked. He was being helpful in his way, offering to bring me in with the ladies.
“No, Delts, today I’ve already slipped on a banana peel, walked face-first into a glass door, and split my pants, so I’m thinking avoiding further humiliation might be the way to go,” I replied. “Why don’t you do another set, this time holding it about waist-height? Or better yet, have one of the ladies try it.”
One of the women immediately took the device, started shaking it in both hands, smiled dementedly, and exclaimed, “look, I’m a Real Housewife!” The women’s laughter echoed through the gym, and Delts gave me the thumb’s up sign. I smiled and shrugged.
Photos courtesy of Steve Kardynal and JL07D on YouTube. Clicking on the photos will take you to those parody videos. Warning: they are most assuredly in poor taste.
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